he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
