Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
