I will die if light touches me.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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