Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
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