I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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