So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
