This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
