I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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