do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
