I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
