Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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