my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Houston, we have a blender
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
