So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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