Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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