Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
