he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
