Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
