Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
love makes seman taste better
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
