Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
