just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
