The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
