that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
