Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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