I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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