dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
