I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
