I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
