i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
