Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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