I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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