A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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