porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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