I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
