He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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