i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
