If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
