2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
