I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
My ATM looks so different sober.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
We left an ass print on the piano.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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