the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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