Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
