woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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