i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Randomize
