I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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