Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
