drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
