you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
