Jerry, you need to find god
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
