And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
