Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
