someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
