sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
