I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
