Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
