The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
