On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Randomize
